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Andrew McCutchen & Maria Hanslovan  (AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)

Pittsburgh Pirates All-Star center fielder Andrew McCutchen, right, is on the sideline with his new fiancee Maria Hanslovan before an NFL football game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Cincinnati Bengals on Sunday, Dec. 15, 2013 in Pittsburgh. (AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar/File)

I am not trying to indirectly give anyone or any business a direct or indirect plug but I have to call it the way it is, not the way I want it to be.

On Monday past, I was sitting in Eat’n’Park in McKeesport, PA eating my customary Monday morning breakfast when one of my favorite waitresses and a diehard Pirates’ fan came and sat down at my table.  “Aubrey,” she said with a look of utter frustration; “what is wrong with “Cutch?” “He looks so tired most of the time.  Since he got married, eh seems to be worn out, most of the time.  Could he be doing more than his share of housework and I am not talking about cutting the grass. Maybe before the Pirates have to play an important series maybe they should put him up at a hotel so he can concentrate and be rested and focused.”

I posed this question to her; “like football teams do on the night before game day? And how it is suggested that a boxer should not be intimate the night before a fight?

“That’s right,” she replied.

I finished my coffee, said my goodbyes to all of my favorite girls’ and continued on to my office but what Colleen had said echoed in my mind and stuck with me throughout the morning.


Aubrey Bruce

I began to think about, my western civilization course and one of the course requirements.  We were required to read: ‘The Epic of Gilgamesh.” In the book, “Enkidu looks much like Gilgamesh and is almost his physical equal. He aspires to be Gilgamesh’s rival but instead becomes his soul mate.  A summary of Tablets XI and XII in the book explain to the reader that women and sex were the calming forces that domesticated wild men like Enkidu.” 

In the Holy Scriptures of Christianity, our earthly forefather and mother were named Adam and Eve.  According to scripture, Adam was granted access to all things, but he longed for companionship, just like the creatures around him were given by God but as soon as God granted Adam the wish of his heart, he lost his focus on God and focused on that new “sweet thing whose mere aroma meant ecstasy for his mind, body and soul.

It was suggested in the past that women were the “weaker sex.”

That observation was, is, and will remain flawed as long as mankind exists.  We may lift a few more pounds that our significant others and we may invent a few more gadgets that they do but a far as endurance in the “upper chamber is concerned, my grandmother used to caution us that, “a women can look up a lot longer than a man can look down,” if you can get my drift.

I am not suggesting that Andrew McCutchen’s subpar 2016 numbers are caused by a little bit too many homebased “pregame calisthenics” but hey any theory is better than none, right Colleen?

History won’t allow us to forget that if you ever need to tame a wild man, don’t call a lion tamer, call a women because most of the time she will not only win, she will win big.

Aubrey Bruce can be reached at: abruce@newpittsburghcourier.com or 412.583.6741

Follow him on Twitter@ultrascribe

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