Dear A Real Bro,

You’re kidding, right?

Aaaahhh, no. You are not allowed to switch to fast food after you’ve committed to a fine dining establishment.

Since this is the holiday season, I think it’s high time I address this issue and let you guys in on a “cooking” secret. Hear me when I say this: A thoroughly basted turkey turns out moist and tender every time.

Are you feeling me?

Let me break it down. In the beginning, you really don’t have to do much to get the gravy going. But once you’ve had your favorite holiday dish year after year, we all know what to expect.

You need to spice that sucker up just a little every now and again. Add a little more hot sauce here and a little less mustard there. It just depends on the occasion.

Give the turkey in your kitchen all the attention it deserves. You don’t need to take that extra effort outside your home, ‘cause either way you’re putting out effort. Why not display all your extra trimmings where it feeds and nurtures your commitment?

Reach into the cabinet and take out everything you got. While you’re waiting for the oven to get hot, delicately rub and pat down your turkey. Please tell me you pulled it out of the freezer this morning and you’ve given it appropriate time and assistance to thaw. Add all the ingredients necessary. Don’t be shy; good cooks make sure they get all up in those nooks and crannies. That’s the old-skool way; you’ve got to put your foot in it. LOL.

Once you’ve seasoned that bad boy to the best of your ability, trust me, it’s ready to roast. (And the specials of the week will make you blush!)


My Wife is Imprisoned by an Old Love

Dear Alma,

I found emails my wife has been writing to an old boyfriend who’s now in jail. He will be locked up for a long, long time. At first I wasn’t all that concerned, but now she’s sending him pictures. I found out because I read her email when she’s not home. I saw where she told him, “I can’t wait to get your letters” and “I wonder if you’re looking at my pictures and thinking about me.” Even though this man is in jail, it still affects me just as if she was writing to someone out in the streets. Am I being petty, or am I right in thinking that she is disrespecting me. I love my wife, but this really makes me wonder.

From, Mr. Wondering

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