Dear Gwendolyn:

I was released from the hospital two weeks ago for starvation. This is the problem: Me and my fiancé set our wedding date for early fall. During the wedding planning I gained about 40 pounds. Now my fiancé wants to call off the wedding until I lose at least 50 lbs.

I love him but I feel he should not put so much pressure on me. I don’t want to come down the aisle in a plus size gown, but something just doesn’t seem right for him to suggest it.

What should I do?—Martha


Dear Martha:

I agree it is an odd request coming from the groom. You need to take his remarks seriously. There is a possibility you are marrying a vain man. Men who put looks first do not make good husbands. However, another way to view his request is to be glad he is not pretending things are okay—and after the wedding make for you a life of misery.

Lose the weight for health reasons and not primarily for a small sized gown. Let me tell you this: men are always thinking they will keep their body build. More than married women, married men develop what is called “beer belly.” They no longer have to concern themselves with baldness because baldness is style. Just as he is looking at you set your eyes on him—I mean really look at him. Think about it. When a man is truly in love with a woman, he takes her short or tall—big or small.

(Nevada Publishing Co., P.O. Box 10066, Raleigh, N.C. 27605-0066. Got a problem, e-mail her at: or write to her at address above [to receive a reply, send a self-addressed stamped envelope.])

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