Dear Gwendolyn:

I have been married for 18 years and my husband wants his mother to move in with us.  She is 96 years old and in failing health. I don’t want to seem selfish, but I told my husband she needs to be in a nursing home facility.  I cannot take care of another person. I provided health care to my mother, my aunt, my uncle and a neighborhood friend.  I am all beat out. Do you think I am being unfair? I believe my husband will leave me if I don’t agree to his mother’s move-in.—Jeanette


Dear Jeanette:

I will agree with you that providing care to the sick and elderly can be quite tactful. Even to provide care to an indigent child is the same. Let me tell you this: Make an attempt to get your husband to visit some nursing home facilities near your residence.  The problem with being in that type of facility that puts fear into relatives is the fact that years ago (and sometimes now) patients received poor medical care and brutal treatment. The stigma still exists. But if a person has to go to a nursing home facility, relatives should visit as often as possible—every day or at least every other day. In doing this visits should be totally unexpected, appearing at any time of the day or night.

Jeanette, there is a strong possibility your husband will not want to consider the nicest, cleanest, and well-qualified medical pro­viders to care for his mother.  He may not understand you are all burned out with giving care. But think about it. Elderly people don’t want  much. Mostly they just want a warm soft bed to ease their pain.

(Are you a single woman in a bad relationship? If so, turn your unhappy life into pure joy.  Get a copy of Gwen’s New Orange Shoes…Send $14.95 + $4 s/h to: Nevada Publishing Co., P.O. Box 10066, Raleigh, N.C.  27605-0066 or write to her at the address provided. (To receive a reply, send a stamped self-addressed envelope.)

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