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(NNPA)—Dear Gwendolyn:

I met this man four months ago. I fell in love with him 2-1/2 months into the relationship and that’s when he told me he was married. By that time he had my heart. He is not living with his wife, but says he loves her. I do everything for him—cook and wash his clothes. We don’t live together, but I have asked him to move in with me or for me to move in with him. He says, “No way, either way.”


Gwendolyn, he drinks a lot and hangs on the other side (the bad side) of town. When I tell him about his drinking, he gets rude with me. I am tired of my heart hurting, and I am tired of crying over this man. The love that I have for him is not about being intimate. We are not intimate. I get tired of him talking about his wife. I don’t know why I love this man so much. He makes me cry. I just can’t seem to find a man that is good to me.—Janice

Dear Janice:

Then be good to yourself. Girl, wipe your tears and hold up your head and realize you are somebody. And besides, you don’t need a drinking man. His wife probably is somewhere hoping and praying another woman will take him out of her life. So don’t allow him to make you feel small or jealous. Men play games. Often they pretend they love the wife when in actuality, they love themselves.

I saw where you stated the two of you are not intimate. Let me tell you this: Love is not based on intimacy. If that was true, everybody would be in love with everybody. Love consists of friendship—a feeling that will last forever if found. Make yourself happy and stop looking for a mate. If that happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, guess what?  You can be happy all by yourself.

(To order books by Gwendolyn Baines, go to website: http://www.gwenbaines.com or e-mail her at: gwenbaines@hotmail.com or write to her at: P.O. Box 10066, Raleigh, N.C. 27605-0066 (To receive a reply, send a self-addressed stamped envelope).

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