Dear Gwendolyn:

I am 30 years old.  I have been in several relationships but there’s something about this one woman. I love her so much. I treated her special, not like my treatment to other women. I never cheated on her the five years we were together. gwendolynbox


This is my problem: I am presently incarcerated and since my incarceration she has found another lover and has completely turned her back on me. I want to think that my incarceration is the reason for our breakup. I have apologized over and over again for getting locked up.

Gwendolyn, can you give me some advice to what you think I should do?  Should I just forget her and move on, or should I go after the woman I love since I have only two years to serve?—Jason

Dear Jason:

Your love for her is stronger than her love for you. I make this assumption on the fact that you were not given a long sentence. Some women wait for years for the release of a loved one—to only suffer the pain that when the person is released, the person moves on. There is no guarantee that even if she didn’t find another friend, you would still be in love with her on your release.

Sometimes incarcerated men (and women) have a need to remain in a prior relationship to help them get through their life behind bars.  Because she does have a new friend and because you do not know the character of her friend, your persistence to regain her could bring harm to you. Therefore, my advice to you is to make a new life with someone else. Upon your incarceration the clock stopped for you, but for her, it continued to move—clockwise.

Now, let me tell you this.  There is a strong possibility within the next two years of your incarceration she may realize you are the one she loves and comes back into your life—providing you have not found another. If this happens, whatever you do, treat your new friend carefully, making certain she is not hurt in what would then be a triangle of who loves whom.

(To order books by Gwendolyn Baines, go to website: or e-mail her at: or write to her at: P.O. Box 10066, Raleigh, N.C. 27605-0066. To receive a reply, send a self-addressed stamped envelope).

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