Dear Gwendolyn:

I have been married for eight years. I am HIV positive and have been this way for 12 years. I told my then-boyfriend, who is now my husband. I put everything on the table before a serious relationship started. After dating for about a year, he asked me to marry him. As stated, he was quite aware of my diagnosis.

Now he doesn’t want to be a husband anymore. My husband only wants me when I’ve got money to give to him. So I deal with it only because of my son. He has been the only father figure my son has had since he was 10 years old. My son is now 18 and loves him. At his high school graduation we both were there as a family. However, we have not lived together in over a year. I want to stop all dealings with my husband, and actually I have. But what about our son? His biological father was never a part of his life. I was happy my husband took him as his own.

I ask you again. What about our son?—Marie

Dear Marie:

What about him? Think about this: Your son is not on his way to kindergarten and needs his father to hold his hand along the way. I feel you are worrying too much about something you cannot control—not now. Your son is too close to being considered a man and, therefore, will make his own decisions about the only man he knows as dad.

Unless your husband is a bad influence and you fear for the direction of your son’s future, then by all means continue to try to persuade him to exit from his father’s life. But because he attended his son’s graduation makes me come to the realization that maybe, just maybe, he is not so bad.

Marie, start finding something of interest to do. Let me tell you this: Whether your son spends more time with his father or doesn’t, he will surely begin to spend less time with you. Take care of your health problems Marie. At 18, it is time for you to cut the apron strings. If you have guided your son right, you won’t lose him to his father. He will remember that the road that leads from you is the same road that leads back to you—-if he recognizes trouble.

(Got a problem? Don’t solve it alone. Write to Gwendolyn Baines at: P.O. Box 10066, Raleigh, N.C. 27605-0066 (to receive a reply, send a self-addressed stamped envelope) or e-mail her at: gwenbaines@hotmail.com and visit her website at: www.gwenbaines.com.)