The Dilemma: I’ve been married for 35 years to what I thought was a wonderful man. Last week I went on a trip with my girlfriends. I missed my husband so much that I decided to return home early to surprise him. Well, low and behold, I was the one surprised.
I walked into our bedroom and he was in bed with another woman and a man. I was furious! I’m 56 years old and look really good for my age. My husband claims he is not on the DL or bi-sexual. But what am I to think? I don’t know what to do. I love this man and afraid if I divorce him, I will be alone for the rest of my life.
We talked and he wants to start swinging! I believe in monogamy! I thought he was faithful, but now he wants me to join in or look the other way. This may be the only way to save my marriage by allowing this to happen with or without me. I’m a homemaker and too old to start working now. He is a good provider.
Are there NO MEN that practice monogamy anymore? Should I just close my eyes, mouth and pretend everything is OK? He refuses to go to counseling and I signed a prenuptial agreement. I thought our love life was good, that’s what he told me. Do you have any advice?
The response: Oh my goodness, I had to think long and hard. There’s a lot that comes into play with your unfortunate situation. Morals, ethics and character come to mind.
You obviously still love this man, 35 years is a long time, which I understand. Infidelity is a deal breaker for quite a few women. But this is your life. If you can see yourself forgiving this man, won’t constantly hold it against him and move on, then that’s your choice.
However, he’s asking a lot. First, you have to deal with his adulterous ways, and then decide if you want to start swinging when it is obviously against your code of conduct. You need counseling.
You had a traumatic experience. Believe in yourself and the powers that be, whatever that may be to you.
Step out and take control of the situation at hand, take care of yourself. Decide what your beliefs are and commit to them. Be strong, whether you forgive and go back to him or make a clean break.
You need to find your own voice; this is key. You won’t be alone. There are men out there. Whether they are monogamous, these days it’s so are to tell. All I can say is try, explore the possibilities. Go see a lawyer so you can assess your other options.
Get back to life and work through this situation. Stuff happens! Pick yourself up, dust off and make a decision about what you are going to do with your three-timing husband. Personally, I would go to court, take him for everything I could and kick that good-for-nothing man to the curb. But you need to do you!
(Stuff Happens, Then What? is an advice and relationship column that answers questions about life issues, situations and challenges. Send questions and dilemmas to StuffHappensThenWhat@yahoo.com. All parties will remain anonymous.)