Neighbor’s loud lovemaking is annoying

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Forgiving my cheating husband

Dear Alma,
My husband and I have been married for eight years. He was my first love, and I love him dearly. We have four children, ranging in age from 10 years to 8 months. I am dedicated to my husband and our children. While I was pregnant with our last child, he had an affair and fathered a child with that woman. He and I have worked through our problems and are determined to make our marriage work. We have opened our home and will raise the other child with our children. My sisters and my girlfriend say I’m crazy and that I should not forgive him. Every time we are together, they make me feel stupid and say things that hurt my feelings. I don’t want to stop seeing them, but how can I get them to leave it alone and stop making me feel bad?—Signed, iforgivehim

Hello Iforgivehim, Infidelity is extremely heartbreaking, and to have it happen while you’re pregnant rates as a super-sized undeserving blow. But that’s not the question you asked.  As for regaining the respect of your sisters and girlfriend, that might be harder than the reconciliation between you and your husband.  A best friend and/or sister-girl can be a tough nut to crack. You know how we are –wobble-neck and all, LOL. Truth be reminded, though, they are coming from a place of love, concern and protection.  I’m sure it was hard for them to witness your fears and tears of heartache and pain. Now that you and your husband have retied the ties that bind, you want them to be forgiving of him as well. Come on; you know that’s not how this ball is dunked. It’s much easier for a spouse to forgive, forget and move on than it is for an extended family member.

Continue to remain strong in your faith and decision to hold on to your husband and the unity of family. As long as you’re both at peace with your decision, it doesn’t matter what others think or say, including me. Only you and your husband know the details of what goes on in your prayer closet.  If your best life includes standing by your man, stand tall, chest out, feet firmly planted. Explain to your sisters and girlfriends how much their support means to you. Ask them to respect your decision to stay, just as they would have respected your decision to leave.  Remind them to refrain from using words that are damaging and hurtful. When the conversation leads to negative comments, defend yourself and especially your husband with a positive response. Redefine how you allow others to speak about your family.  It will take a while for them to come around, so be patient. Keep your head up! You are an excellent reflection and supreme example of the ability to forgive.—Alma

(Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans over 25 years. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@yahoo.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.)

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