Yo, Smitty’s Bar and Grill you stab-em, we’ll slab-em! Who…Who…Wait, hold on, I can’t hear you. There’s a lot of noise here. Some woman and her kids crying and stuff. OK, go ahead.
Oh yeah, Paula Deen, yeah she’s here. Matter of fact, she’s the one doing all the crying. Said she didn’t mean it and some of her best friends are N——-, I mean Black. OK maybe not best, but the butler, maid, gardener, chauffeur and nanny are…OK, maybe not friends, but she speaks to them when she sees them. Anyway, hold on a second. Hello. This is Paul-la, Oprah is that you Dar-lin? Oprah, please help me fix this girl, you know I didn’t mean what I said. I can’t understand why people only believe what they hear!
You know that when I was on your show you Never – Heard – Me- Use – That – Word. (At least I don’t think you heard me!) Besides, you know you, Michelle Obama and Jay-Z are really my N—– and you know I mean that with much love! Wait, girl I gotta go now my sons are fighting over that last sponsor we got left. Lord if we lose KFC, we’re really gonna end up in the hood with them N—–, I mean the less fortunate! I’ll call ya back girl!
:09 What can I say? I’m man enough to admit it. You all were wrong. The Pirates are for real! The best team in baseball. Willie “Pops” Stargell would be proud.
:08 Just as a side sports note, not a movie review. I watched “Secretariet” the movie, you know the horse…for all you inner-city grads. Anyway, from a pure sports/athletic perspective, the horse won the triple crown, but even more amazingly won the third race by 31 lengths…31!! That’s like LeBron scoring 50 and Kevin Durrant scoring 10. Un – be – lieve – able!
:07 Speaking of movie reviews. Here you go. Please, just shut up and take it like a man…woman…whatever!
Man of Steel—3 basketballs—but a little too much Hollywood stuff at the end.
The Heat—4 basketballs starring Sandra Bullock and the “Big Girl.” Funniest movie of the year.
:06 Here it is finally. Dude’s Top 10 Greatest of All Time. (As you know, he’s on vacation).
1. Wilt Chamberlain 2. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar 3. Bill Russell 4. Connie Hawkins 5. Julius Erving 6. Larry Bird 7. Oscar Robertson 8. Magic Johnson 9. Michael Jordan 10. Jerry West.
OK, I told you it was an all-right list, but the fact that he has Jordan No. 9 tells you why he’s on vacation. And he should stay there.
:05 Steelers camp is one month away!
:04 Hey Roy, you’re in the locker room, but Dwight Law and I told you Steven Adams was going to get picked in the 1st round. C’mon man.
:03 Rushel Shell. Maybe it’s not true. Maybe you can’t always go home!
:02 I would say something about Aaron Hernandez, but I don’t want to turn up missing too. So I won’t!
:01 Congratulations to Dr. Marcia Sturdivant, the new Director of NEED, replacing the late great Sylvester Pace. A great lady. A great organization. Great things will continue to happen.
:00 Hey, I didn’t forget Al and Val you’re in the locker room too. Thanks for reading (and for those who didn’t know, “Big Al” had a serious hoop game. Now you know!)
~ GAME OVER ~
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