It’s been a year full of empty calendar slots.
You did lots of things with friends and family, that’s true. But you can’t remember the last time you had a date with a man you wanted to see again. All the ones you met this year were boring, babies, or only interested in one thing.
Maybe you’re sending the wrong signals. Maybe you missed something important in Dating 101. Or perhaps you need more information, which you might find in “The Truth About Men” by Ian K. Smith, M.D.
Your friends all assure you that you’re beautiful. You know you’re smart and you’ve got it going on. So why haven’t you met a decent man yet?
Ian K. Smith says that he was attending a seminar with 300 women when those questions came up and he wanted to tell the women “the real reasons” why men are the way they are. This book is the result.
Men, he says, don’t want to feel like they’re being hooked. They want to work (but not too much) to win you over. Making yourself too available is no good for a man. Moving too quickly with “boyfriend/girlfriend” labels or the L-word isn’t good, either.
A man, Smith says, is willing to wait a date or two to be intimate, but give him some hope. Men love women who take charge in the bedroom, but they don’t want “Freak of the Week” and, to ensure that there are no surprises, there are certain conversations you need before you get that far anyway.
Likewise, it’s no surprise that men aren’t mind-readers. Stop beating around the bush; say what you mean, and don’t say things you don’t mean.
Give him a break on holidays. Gather your courage and tell the truth, even if you think it might hurt his feelings. Understand that his home is his cave and he likes it that way. Always keep yourself up (or at least show effort) and forget about implants and plastic surgery. Don’t try to change him, don’t bring up past relationships, and remember that “[d]ignity trumps bad behavior all the time…”
Oh, how I waffled on this book.
“The Truth About Men” does, indeed, hold plenty of truth. There are pages and pages here that are common-sense and it’ll be obvious to anybody that much of what author Ian K. Smith says is for real.
For the most part, his advice is solid—sometimes.
Then there are the things that I thought were preposterous, decidedly one-sided, and almost insulting: tips on physical appearance and what happens if you slip, advice on compromise, and entire passages that largely contradict other points made.
Yes, that’s confusing but it doesn’t mean this is an awful book; there’s goodness in here but it requires more than just a grain of salt.
(“The Truth About Men” by Ian K. Smith, M.D., St. Martin’s Press, $24.99, 187 pages.)