I have dated my boyfriend for about nine years on and off. I do love him and for years I had hopes of marrying this man. This is the problem: I have invested my time and my money in him. About four years ago I was shopping at a thrift store and noticed a wedding dress. It looked like new. I bought it because his male friend had hinted to me that my boyfriend was going to propose to me that upcoming Christmas. I started setting the date and looking at other options of where the wedding would take place.
Well, Christmas came and Christmas went and no proposal. I was devastated almost to the point of losing my mind. Gwendolyn, what’s taking him so long to marry me? I know he loves me.—Tina
Dear Tina: When the proposal didn’t come, you should have terminated the relationship. You didn’t have to date for nine years. You actually didn’t. You must come to the realization that maybe, just maybe, your friend is not the person for you. Open your eyes Tina, truly it is clear he is not worthy of you. Keep in mind that men do not seem to love as strongly as women. In some cases, however, men do love strongly, but usually those strong out of sight emotions result in violence. Another error you made was to listen to his friend. He may have indicated to his friend he was going to propose to you—and then had a change of mind.
You stated in your letter this man is a felon and cannot get a job. You mentioned you stood by him when he went to jail and you stood by him when he had a drug problem. Gee, Tina, you did too much—as most women do. Don’t waste your future any longer on this man. Some men appreciate the good of a woman, but think about it—most men don’t.
(Got a problem, email Gwen at: firstname.lastname@example.org or write to her at P.O. Box 10066, Raleigh, N.C. 27605-0066. To receive a reply, send a self-addressed stamped envelope .Visit her website at: www.gwenbaines.com.)