:10 RRRRiiiinnnngggg… RRRRiiiinnnngggg… Ring damn it! Oh my bad… Hello, Smitty’s Bar and Grill. You know how we call it, you stab-um and we’ll slab-um! Smitty here. Who? Mike who? Naw, nobody here named Mike Brown. No. I’m telling you, I am looking at the whole joint right now and the only ones here are a bunch of drunk Notre Dame dudes. Chris Rainey in the corner talking to hisself, Lance Armstrong and Oprah (No, my man, you don’t wanna know). Oh wait, you talking bout “Coach Brown.” We don’t know his first name. We just call him Coach. He came in here a few months ago with a clipboard talkin’ bout somebody named Jerry Buss did him wrong. But you know the strangest thing happened last week. He came in with “Mrs. Rudolph.” You know, the voo-doo lady from round the way and they both kept saying something about, “Who’s sorry now you S-O-Bs?” Alright, hold on, I’ll get him. Yo, “Coach Brown,” you wanted on the phone man… some cat named “Kobe.” Said he needs to talk to you right away and he said to tell Mr. Rudolph he got “A Goose and Turkey!”
:09 To me it’s real simple. The baseball players used PEDs. PEDs weren’t illegal. The league knew they were using them while they were knocking the cover off the ball and making a zillion dollars. That means everyone on the list goes in the Hall of Fame. Bonds, Clemons, Sosa… they’re all in! Like I said, real simple. (For you late to the dance Peabody grads, that’s performance enhancing drugs…PEDs).
:08 I saw Ruthie Walker at my favorite writing spot (and yes, I only go there for the wings). Anyway, if you think she’s not one of the best girls Middle School coaches in the city league, you try winning 5 championships in six years. Yea, that’s what I thought! Hey Ruthie, you’re now In The Locker Room.
:07 Well, Fred and Booker and, yeah, my old man too. The fat lady may not be singing, but she’s warming up her pipes on the Lakers. But I am a true fan. I am going down with the ship. Give it a few more weeks before I pull the plug. (Hey LeBron… LeBron… wait up my man… what’s up?).
:06 Lance Armstrong, WILL – YOU – PLEASE – JUST – SHUT – UP! And don’t start that crying with Oprah. Take it to the grave with ya. Follow the Barry Bonds, Roger Clemons plan. If you didn’t see it, I didn’t do it! C’mon man!!
:05 How does a KFC close up in Homewood and East Liberty? A chicken joint that can’t stay open in the Hood, I’m just saying!?!?!