You almost can’t believe it.
It began when your man started staying late after work. Said he had extra projects, but when you called him, he didn’t answer the phone. Then he started disappearing on weekends and taking long showers when he came home. Now you’ve discovered pictures of other women on his phone and mysterious numbers in his address book.
You don’t want to believe that he’s cheating on you but he might be and, according to authors Maxwell Billieon and Ray J, there may be a simple reason why he’s doing it. In the new book “Death of the Cheating Man,” they explain.
The world is filled with temptation. Billieon says that’s why he wrote this book: because both men and women need to know how to beat infidelity to save their relationships and families. Cheating, he says, is everywhere because men like to conquer and they’ve never learned how not to cheat.
Billieon cites a recent poll stating that 74 percent of men said they’d cheat on their wives if they knew they wouldn’t get caught. But what men see as cheating and what women see as cheating are often two different things.
Men see no problem with flirting. Porn is not off-limits to them. They think it’s okay to have a secret female friend or to have internet sex, but these activities are all viewed by their wives as a threat.
There are many different kinds of cheaters, says Billieon, just as there are many ways for a man to step out on his woman. And, women will cheat to get back at men who cheated.
Billieon says there are ways to stop this insanity. Sit down with your partner and discuss The New Monogamy, which may include a once-a-year “hall pass.” Discuss how infidelity has consequences. Stop expecting prominent men to be “more than human.” Teach your man to be faithful and be his “ride-or-die” woman.
Oh, my. Where do I begin?
“Death of the Cheating Man” is a wobbly book.
On one hand, there are beneficial, helpful passages in these pages, a few of which make enough sense that it’s sometimes hard not to agree with what the authors Billieon and Ray J (who’s been linked with Whitney Houston) say.
On the other, it’s astounding to see statements like this: “Women are afraid of truthful men…” or “… human females have way too much information and that has messed up the natural state of things.” I won’t even mention the fact that a “hall pass” is still cheating…
I think that there’s good advice in this book, but it’s going to require not just a grain of salt, but a whole buckets’ worth. For most smart, strong women, though, “Death of the Cheating Man” is unbelievably unhelpful.
(“Death of the Cheating Man: What Every Woman Must Know About Men Who Stray” by Maxwell Billieon and Ray J, c.2012, Strebor Books, $24/$27.99 Canada, 247 pages.)