I have dated a man for four years. When we met, he had just gotten a divorce. He and his wife did not have children. At the end of our third year of dating, he proposed marriage.
This is the problem: All during our courtship he has had a bad habit of putting his ex-wife’s wishes before mine. During the first year of our courtship, he purchased a new car for her. He told me that gift was a “parting” gift because after their divorce, she was left without transportation.
Gwendolyn, during our second year of courtship, he gave her money to purchase a new house. That gift he did not explain. His ex-wife is very pretty and has never had a j-o-b. He is now laid off after working a job for 22 years.
Since his layoff, he is still trying to pay her car note and house mortgage. Last month we had a harsh argument. He told me if I did not give him money to pay his ex-wife’s bills, his marriage proposal to me was off.—Rosline
Girl, hurry and get this man out of your life. Let me tell you this: Don’t be too anxious to get married to the point you overlook trouble while dating.
If trouble is during your courtship, there will be “double-trouble” after you say I do.
You said you could understand if the two of them had children. Well, they don’t. And if they did, too bad. Think about it. There is a limit for a man to return to his first marriage and put the first wife over the second.
The first wife often feels he still loves her. However, the truth is he realizes that if he hangs around his first wife, that will keep her from finding new love and happiness—in the arms of someone else.
(Write to Gwendolyn Baines at: P.O. Box 10066, Raleigh, N.C. 27605-0066 [to receive a reply, send a self-addressed stamped envelope] or email her at: firstname.lastname@example.org.)