In the Christmas Spirit

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Okay all of you so-called “ultimate” sports fans check out this list of gifts for 2011-2012.

On the first day of X-mas pro football gave to me; a Big Ben without injury.

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On the second day of Christmas pro football gave to me; two James Harrisons’ and Big Ben without injury. On the third day of Hanukkah pro football gave to me; Hines Ward a-smiling, two James Harrisons’ and Big Ben without injury. On the fourth day of Christmas pro football gave to me; Kiesel’s beard a growing, Hines Ward a smiling, two James Harrisons’ and a Big Ben without injury. On the fifth day of Ramadan pro football gave to me; Roger Goodell retiring, Kiesel’s beard a growing, Hines Ward a smiling, two James Harrisons’ and a Big Ben without injury. On the sixth day of X-mas pro football gave to me; Suh in the woodshed, Roger Goodell retiring, Kiesel’s beard a growing, Hines Ward a smiling, two James Harrison’s and a Big Ben without injury. On the seventh day of Ramadan pro football gave to me; Tim Tebow’s autograph, Suh in the woodshed, Roger Goodell retiring, Kiesel’s beard a growing, Hines Ward a smiling, two James Harrison’s and a Big Ben without injury. On the eighth day of Hanukkah pro football gave to me; Crosby feeling better, Tim Tebows autograph, Suh in the woodshed, Roger Goodell retiring, Brett Kiesel’s beard a growing, Hines Ward a smiling, two James Harrisons and a Big Ben without injury. On the ninth day of Christmas I found this under my tree; Pirates at .500, Crosby feeling better, Tim Tebow’s autograph, Suh in the woodshed, Roger Goodell retiring, Brett Kiesel’s beard a growing, Hines Ward a smiling, two James Harrison’s and a big Ben without injury. On the tenth day of Ramadan pro football sent to me; a Cam Newton poster, Pirates at .500, Crosby feeling better, Tim Tebows autograph, Suh in the woodshed, Roger Goodell, retiring, Brett Kiesel’s beard a growing, Hines Ward a smiling, two James Harrison’s and a Big Ben without injury. On the eleventh day of Christmas my agent sent to me; Beyonce’s phone number, a Cam Newton poster, Pirates at .500, Crosby feeling better, Tim Tebows autograph, Suh in the woodshed, Roger Goodell, retiring, Brett Kiesel’s beard a growing, Hines Ward a smiling, two James Harrison’s and a Big Ben without injury. On the final day of Christmas my true love gave to me; my own separate bedroom, Beyonce’s phone number, a Cam Newton poster, Pirates at .500, Crosby feeling better, Tim Tebows autograph, Suh in the woodshed, Roger Goodell, retiring, Brett Kiesel’s beard a growing, Hines Ward a smiling, two James Harrison’s and a Big Ben without injury.

Twas the Night before Playoffs

Twas the night before playoffs, when all through the house, the Steelers low octane offense was like a church mouse. The playoff stockings were hung at the “Great Hall” with care in hopes that Ray’s Lewis and Rice would not be there.

The Black and Gold defense was nestled snug in their beds,

While visions of Super Bowls danced in their heads.

Bruce Arians with his playbook, “Hinsey” Ward in his cap,

Settled down with Big Ben for a pre-wildcard nap.

When out on the gridiron there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the press box to see what was the matter.

Away to the elevator I made a mad dash.

I needed to get there, like “Jumpin’ Jack Flash.”

The moon on the breast of the snow covered turf.

Made the ghosts’ of the “Steel Curtain” seem to come back to earth.

When, what to my vodka glazed eyes should appear.

Was the Steelers team bus filled with a team without fear?

With Coach Tomlin the driver, so lively and quick.

He had a D-Coordinator with the first name of Dick.

Faster than yellow flags, his “cocky” team came. He referred to his “Android” and called out their names.

“Now Taylor! Now Harrison! Now Pouncey and Redman!

On Wallace! On Brown! On Sanders and Miller!

To the top of AFC North! And the AFC wall!

Now dash to the playoffs! Winner take all!”

And in a twinkling, I heard a big thump on the roof

There was trash talk a plenty guys acting like goofs.

I heard a big sound, and was turning around,

When down the chimney St. Casey came with a bound.

He was dressed in bling-bling, from his head to his foot.

And his clothes were all spotted with barbecue soot.

Ten buckets of KFC he had flung on his back, looking for Nene Leakes to share his midnight snack.

The stump of a chicken leg he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke of fresh biscuits circled his head like a wreath.

He had a smiling face and a sizeable belly,

That shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly!

The defense played hard until the game’s final whistle,

They walked off the field at the sound of the pistol.

We all heard “Big Snack” yell in the tunnel that night.

We will see you in Indy. Yaw’ll have a good-night!

Notes: Did “yinz” guys and dolls realize that during the tenure of the Steelers Head Coach Mike Tomlin that the New England Patriots have scored 30+ points in 42 games. The Steelers offense has scored 30+ points in only16 games. Now get this the Black and Gold defense has only given up 30+ points in 6 games (Source: John Harris from the ‘Ike Taylor Show’).

(Aubrey Bruce can be reached at: abruce@newpittsburghcourier.com or 412.583.6741. Bruce can also be heard on Wednesdays from 11:00-11:30am on ‘The Odd Couple Sports Show’ Fox Sports Radio WCWA 1230AM, Toledo, Ohio.)

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