I have been married for 11 years and during that time my husband has never been proud of my son. When we met, I had a boy, age 5, and he had two girls by two different mommas.
This is the problem: When I said he has “never” expressed love like a father should, I do mean never. My son is now 16 and plays football, is a member of the school’s symphony and makes all A’s.
My husband, however, is constantly buying for his girls and they are teenagers like my son. He gives them money for expensive clothes, hair weaves, shoes and jewelry with diamonds. When this happens, which is often, it cuts into our budget.
Gwendolyn, for my son he has given nothing—not even a toy for Christmas.–Dorothy
Before I give my opinion of your husband, I will give my opinion of you. There is no way most women would have allowed their mate to totally ignore their child while he went “silly” spending on his children.
Sure, he has mistreated your son but some of the blame points to you.
Let me tell you this: Your marriage might not survive. And if it does, your son you may lose. But this studious boy will one day (if not already) show anger and resentment towards you for letting it happen.
Dorothy, your husband needs to stay where his money goes. You cannot make him love your son and after 11 years of neglect, don’t force it. Think about it. Most times the “proud” of a child comes from—the heart of a mother.
(Got a problem, write to Gwendolyn Baines at: P.O. Box 10066, Raleigh, N.C. 27605-0066 [to receive a reply, send a self-addressed stamped envelope.] or e-mail her at: firstname.lastname@example.org or visit her website at: www.gwen-baines.com.)