Father’s Day weekend is upon us. I figured now is a better time than ever to have a man-to-man talk with my male audience.
I was in the middle of doing research when my son asked me to help him figure out how to play a video game. I tried to quickly brush him off and responded, “I don’t know how to play.” He walked away visibly upset and discouraged and mumbled the words, “I thought you knew everything!” I thought to myself, WOW—in my children’s mind I’m all-knowing. I’m supposed to know everything about anything.
Your children feel the same way about you. Children believe in their parents more than they believe in themselves. Think back to when your child was two years old. He or she was fearful of jumping from the bed into your arms. When you finally convinced your child that you would catch him or her, they quickly leaped into your arms— confident in you, believing that you wouldn’t let he or she fall. Regardless of how old your child is today, they continue to believe in you. They continue to seek your guidance and belief in him. Hopefully, we’re guiding our children in the right direction. Are you?
If you’re a father and a husband, this may be an eye-opener. Regardless of how strong-minded, independent, educated or successful your wife may be, it’s a woman’s natural inclination to “defer” to her man. Therein is the reason why both Whitney and Britney went haywire shortly after they wedded. If left to their “free will” women will do the right thing 80 percent of the time. It is the hope of nearly every woman that they’ll find a man who’ll love them unconditionally—and more importantly, guide the household in the right direction. Our women expect us to seek out the right answers to everything. Whether we as men are right or wrong– more often than not our women willingly sign up for the ride we take them on. Hopefully, we’re guiding our wives on the right course. Are you?
Making sound financial decisions is a way of providing for your family.
Love and love alone isn’t enough. Money is essential. Money is a subject where we cannot afford to make wrong decisions. Your children and your wife expect you to know everything! They expect you to ensure that the family is making good financial decisions. Most men are too stubborn to ask for directions when they’re lost on the road. Likewise, most men are too stubborn to seek direction when they’re lost on certain financial issues. Females are more prone to seek guidance and adhere to guidance when things are going wrong. For every single male client I have, I have nearly 40 single female clients. I’ve learned over the years that when a married man calls me to schedule a financial coaching session, 90 percent of the time it’s because he was being nagged by his wife to do so. I’ve learned over the years that 90 percent of the time, it’s the men who are the reluctant spouse to follow a sound financial plan.
Women have an innate survival instinct.
More than 70 percent of my clients with a net worth of $500,000 or more are single women with no children and single women who are empty nesters. Naturally, with no children you have more discretionary income that can be used to enhance your wealth position. The common denominator being “single women” deepens my belief that if left to their “free will” women will do the right thing 80 percent of the time. Women seek security. As a result, women tend to err on the side of caution when making financial decisions.
Men, this leads me to believe that if your household isn’t getting ahead financially like you think it should, it’s probably your fault! Either you lack the insight, the foresight, the humility or the backbone needed to guide your household in the right direction.
As a man, I’m just as stubborn as the next man. I’ve paid my fair share of “stupid tax” that resulted in financial setbacks for my family and me. Nowadays I have a trained eye and a healthy fear of being a hypocrite that guides me into making good financial decisions. My wife on the other hand is a natural.
Although it’s true that women defer to their man, in the words of R. Kelly “when a woman’s fed up, there’s nothing you can do about it.” When a woman’s feels that her sense of security is being threatened, she begins to act negatively toward the source or person who is threatening her security. After God, people view money as the primary source that provides security. This is why financial problems are the leading cause of divorce.
This Father’s Day, I encourage all fathers to become the man that your children and your wife desire you to be. Develop the insight, the foresight, the humility and/or backbone that are necessary to ensure that your family is on the right course financially. Remove the stress in your household associated with confusion about money. For when your money is out of control, your life is out of control. It’s time to MAN-UP!
(Mortgage and Money Coach Damon Carr is owner of ACE Financial. Sign up for Damon’s FREE online “Ask Damon” e-newsletter at www.allcreditexperts.com. Damon can be reached at 412-856-1183.)