I have been with my fiancé for 12 years and he recently asked me to marry him. We have been through a lot of problems dealing with his drinking. I have gone with him to AA meetings sometimes four and five times a week. When he drinks he repeats himself over and over. This drives me crazy. We pay our bills together and have no problems with that. He is not abusive but I don’t think I can be happy if he continues to drink.—Alice
You have a decision to make—marry or stop living together. As to finances, you can provide for yourself even, if you have to downsize your living status. Don’t be too concerned about being with your fiancé for 12 years. You see, time can slip away but there is no need to be unhappy because life is precious and short—and the people we love sometimes we cannot change.
My advice to you is do not marry this man. You stated that his constant talking when he drinks drives you crazy. Girl, you don’t know the meaning of crazy but you will if you marry him.
He says he loves you. Because alcohol destroys the body, being in love with you could be true, but it is obvious he does not love himself. However, Alice, if he gets his life together soon, then it is possible he will make a good husband—but not in the present state of his actions.
As to your wanting to get married, while you are single—enjoy being single and not spending your time wishing for something that when it comes, you may not like it.
Let me tell you this: In the most beautiful marriages at times roses—have thorns.
(Have a problem? Write to Gwendolyn Baines at: P.O. Box 10066, Raleigh, NC 27605-0066 [to receive a reply send a self-addressed stamped envelope] or email her at: firstname.lastname@example.org or visit her website at: www.gwenbaines.com.)