Inside Conditions…Conspiracy theory

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AubreyBruceBox

After watching the debacle, oops I meant game between the Steelers and Patriots Sunday evening, I am thoroughly convinced that New England is on a serious run toward the Lombardi Trophy. Why do I say that, you ask? Well, if they could thump the Steelers like they stole a pork chop before Sunday dinner, what makes you think that they can’t duplicate that feat against the rest of their NFL colleagues? But Watson wait; before we exit Scotland Yard, please, please as Judge Judy might say, “put on your listening ears” because I am about to offer up a few “incredible” if not “credible” theories.

Hey, hey, are you sure the Patriots don’t have some sort of outer space “Hubble” satellite cam taping Steelers practices and shoplifting their defensive and offensive signals from outer space. Okay, I know that may seem a bit farfetched but it certainly appeared at least until just a little over 12 minutes were left in the fourth quarter as if Steelers offense was playing like space cadets.

I truly believe, (you don’t have to sanction me because I just ran out of my meds) that Robert Kraft, the deep pockets owner of the “Pats” purchased a few military “drones” at the last garage sale held by the former vice-president Dick Cheney, immediately after he was forced to give up the second chair of our purple mountains majesty.

The Patriots no longer need “Haterade” drinking snitches to do their dirty work. They now can use “unmanned” aircraft to fly over the Steelers practice facilities to extract all sorts of illicit information. When the Patriots were questioned as to why a “human-less” aircraft was flying over the Steelers south side site with the New England logo plastered all over it, an anonymous source informed me that the Patriots were scanning the south side as a precautionary measure against the local yuppie wine drinkers breaking into the Steelers trophy room at “high midnight” and making off with one or two of the prominently displayed “six pack.”

Was it just my imagination, and no I am not talking about the old school ballad sung by the “Temptin” Temptations? Did it appear as if Bill Belichick was calling the defensive signals for the Black and Gold? If this was the case then those signals could only favor the “Brady Bunch? The Pats might not be cheating but they have gotten deep inside the Steelers heads. Ben Roethlisberger and Bruce Arians usually appear perplexed and dazed at the sight of a Patriots uniform and they always appear to leave the offensive game plan on the blackboard.

The Steelers appear to be totally afraid of the dark mystique created and maintained by the very devious Belichick and his “Krafty” organization. I am totally perplexed as to why this modern day “thug” is still roaming the sidelines?

According to http://www.salary-money.com, Ben Roethlisberger allegedly lost $473,529.00 per game as a result of his four game suspension. That amounts to $1,894,116.00 for pre-meditated stupidity. On the other hand check out the penance for pre-meditated skullduggery by New England. Belichick was fined the NFL maximum of $500,000 for cheating and the Pats were ordered to pay $250,000 as a result of those violations. Roethlisberger was fined more than a million dollars more than the Patriots as a result of conduct unbecoming off the field. Meanwhile, Belichick and his “Boston” cheating bootleggers were given the economic penalty equivalent to a mint julep and given the gr…..eeeeen light for conduct unbecoming to the nature of the game. Commissioner Roger Gooddell’s comments were as usual weak as heck. “This episode represents a calculated and deliberate attempt to avoid long-standing rules designed to encourage fair play and promote honest competition on the playing field,” Goodell said in a letter to the Patriots.” The commissioner seems too worried about important things such as dog lovers and bathroom stalls. Hey something like the integrity of the game, that can wait.

The Steelers defense was not all bad, at least not according to the post game victory speech by Tom “Terrific” Brady who said, “Troy (Polamalu) is one of the best in the game. Ike Taylor is a great player. We knew we had to come out and counter it. Everybody was up for the challenge.” Let’s get real. As long as the NFL has double or triple standards don’t be surprised by the “preferential” treatment that specific individuals or organizations receive. Athletes are fined and raked over hot coals just for trying to perform their duties on the field, while others in “power” openly violate the rules and they are rewarded by being raked over the hot sands of Honolulu.

The NFL says players will not decide fines. Who decided the Patriots fines? Was it minimal because some of the tapes vanished? Aloha.

(Aubrey Bruce can be reached at: abruce@new­pittsburghcourier.com or 412-583-6741.)

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