I am planning to marry my fiancee next May. We have dated for 14 years and have lived together for the past five of those years. This is my problem: About six months ago my fiancee started acting strangely. I would wake up at night and she would have the light on and would be sitting in a chair next to the bed looking at me. I would be startled, but would smile and ask, “What is the problem?” She would not answer but would give a frown and then get back into the bed.
Last week when she came home from work, she sat in the car for an hour. There came up a storm and she opened the sunroof to her car. The car became soaked. I yelled for her to come in and she did. However, she got out of the car, did not close the sunroof and left all the doors open.
I tell you Gwendolyn, something is wrong with her. (1) Should I marry her? (2) Should I be afraid? (3) Should I seek psychiatric help for her?—Darby
To the first question: Postpone the marriage. To your second question: Yes. To your third question: Yes. I agree. Something is seriously wrong with your friend. A marriage does not need to take place until her reactions can appear to be sane. (Read: “Top 10 Tips for Coping with Depression in a Relationship” by Nancy Schimelpfening) Seek psychological help for your fiancee and give her time to recover before walking away. I say this because you may have been the problem. Think about it. Many thoughts pass through a woman’s mind. Men, like yourself, think a woman can be courted for years not realizing that in any relationship, depression can easily enter—especially when one feels not loved. A marriage at this time would be disastrous. Be realistic. The joys the two of you would have experienced 14 years ago—B.B. King sings—The thrill is gone.
(Have a problem? Don’t solve it alone. All you have to do is ‘Ask Gwendolyn Baines.’ Write to her at: P.O. Box 10066, Raleigh, N.C. 27605-0066 (To receive a reply, send a self-addressed stamped envelope), or e-mail her at: firstname.lastname@example.org or view her website at: www.gwenbaines.com.)